I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize