she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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