There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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