I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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