that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
