I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my shit smells like andre
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
