in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
