I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
