is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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