..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
