dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
