According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
