The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
