There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
