im having a threesome with these popsicles
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
