pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
