I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
