i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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