It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
