Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
