He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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