so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
