imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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