you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
