Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.

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  (425): my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me. http://tfl.nu/ks5k
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula

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  (608): i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula http://tfl.nu/sb2u
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?

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  (812): The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean? http://tfl.nu/84o9
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.

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  (571): you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were. http://tfl.nu/2fw7
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.

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  (541): You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize. http://tfl.nu/yage
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god

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  (814): When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god http://tfl.nu/yzjp
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.

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  (757): I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment. http://tfl.nu/iaxy
  Replies (9) Good night (1559) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains

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  (941): Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains http://tfl.nu/tyep
  Replies (11) Good night (2428) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.

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  (904): Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters. http://tfl.nu/kh3s
  Replies (21) Good night (2073) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.

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  (601): i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this. http://tfl.nu/9qd9
  Replies (5) Good night (764) Bad night (1688)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!

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  (504): As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!! http://tfl.nu/d5pb
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  (65): View more from

  Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.

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  (65): Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job. http://tfl.nu/eg09
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.

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  (616): Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing. http://tfl.nu/tiqf
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.

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  (734): Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword. http://tfl.nu/ec7y
  Replies (1) Good night (785) Bad night (297) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma

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  (931): I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma http://tfl.nu/5uqx
  Replies (7) Good night (303) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt

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