you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
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Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.