Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry