its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
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You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
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Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.