I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
