4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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