dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
