Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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