It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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