so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
