her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
