FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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