I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
