had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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