He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize