oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
