Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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