I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
