i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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