I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
