he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
