Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
