I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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