Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
