ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
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I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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