if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I accidentally burped into my bong.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
