I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
