Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
