She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
