I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
be right there i have to get my cape
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize