We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
