if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize