No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
