Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
