He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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