no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
