I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
