"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
