so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
