He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
