OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
