im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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