Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
