drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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