Dual....:-)
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
