Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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