i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
