you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Shame - the story of my life.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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