You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
